Anxiety · Depression · Suicide

The Spiral – by Niall Madden

photo-1447900803514-69ad6293303f

Why try you lie I die

at night that mind takes flight a cold dream a grip tight

the blame lies the tears fly the screams cry    I sigh    I ask why

watch the time

tick

tick

tick stop

don’t say this tell me that curled up tight lone falling through cracks

what happened to me I see the mind pull away at its own seams

a lack belief in its own faltering being , slip in a dash solid infirmity solidly brewing

a lead coated brain, a hidden wound known to drain the toxins are tame

slithering poisons gain ground like rabid fetid hounds thoughts creep in

seep in but no sleeping just weeping

a bad thought is like a reverse Rumpelstiltskin

bleakness weaves the gold into rotting sin

it is the mind the Brain, the host of this game it’s a war lay your claim

do you want control over relationships or your mortality and how to deal with this?

every second that should pass seconds are now hours and do last and seconds inside of seconds section you alone for the second time you think about the seconds it takes to end your life the seconds it takes for those to forget the seconds it takes to do what’s best they don’t want you there sick of every second now the seconds in your head these seconds you live off are waste of an essence there’s no sense all struggle

as those seconds wrap around, blocking the rational voices the graceful sound a bubble

now the haze stopped the graze of this self-hating movement

notice the time you’ve lost, days, you never moved in a mental grave you lay

you need to move seize the day

© Niall Madden 2016


About the author:

I am a university student with dreams of being a writer, upon leaving school I fell into the world of literature. While I was struggling with issues such as depression and social anxiety, I was using this to express these feelings not as an escape but as an expression. I find in my case and many others that one of the problem with these issues is being open, honest and being able to truly go deep and explain what’s going on. The work I sent reflects these ideas of honesty and openness and I hope by having an honest admission of how someone may feel, will in turn encourage people to be more honest with others to gain the aid they need.

Both of the quotes below are from my favourite book Mister B Gone, these quotes are, to me anyway, talk about pushing through hardship to reach your end goal but furthermore accepting yourself regardless of your flaws:

“You have to taste the sour urine before you break the jug.”

“I decided that I would do my best to be the worst thing Hell ever vomited forth.”

Blog: Writers Recycle

The wonderful photograph was taken by Matt Haggerty and acquired through Unsplash. It’s a great source for free photos under the Creative Commons Zero license, so check it out!

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3 thoughts on “The Spiral – by Niall Madden

  1. Hello,
    just to let you know my blog was having issues and nothing was submitted in time for anyone to view it there a currently two post’s up and more to come by the end of the week.
    if anyone one is interested feel free to check, just thought id clarify why it was empty
    Niall

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Niall,

    This poem is thick, rich with the texture of how it feels to suffer through anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. Superb job! I hope you will consider submitting again in the future.

    Sincerely,

    Memee

    Like

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