There is such a large spectrum of ‘Mental illnesses’ that people can be affected by. I am currently suffering with two of these, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Depression. I wish there was an easy way of describing how I manage to get through each and every day living with such illnesses but I just can’t think of the correct words to say.
I have heard that you have destroyed so many other suffers lives and I am determined to not let you do the same to me. For so long you were a nameless stranger, you hid your identity. For so long I was lost and confused, yet you showed me no mercy…
I blamed myself, thought I was losing my mind… that I was suffering on my own, little did I know that you were tormenting others too… and that I was not alone.
Since being diagnosed in January 2016 I have spent every waking day trying to figure out how I can make this better, how I can survive day in and day out living with this condition, especially after being told by my GP I have developed Generalized Anxiety disorder earlier than it should develop so hearing not only that I have a mental illness but hearing that I have developed it earlier than studies show makes me more determined to find a ‘cure’ and get 100% better.
Before being diagnosed I didn’t know what I was fighting, it was like I was fighting a losing battle against myself but when I finally found out who and what you were that’s when the victory began. Every day was like a living nightmare. After feeling alone in the dark for so long I am finally starting to feel like a massively heavy weight is being lifted.
Knowing that I am not a freak, nor weak, crazy or insane… Being aware that what I have is an ‘illness’ helps me deal better with the pain. Instead of being bitter and angry with the pain and hurt that you have caused me I have chosen to turn all the negative into the most positive thing it can be.
GAD the day I saw you for what you are, was the real turning point for me, giving me strength to help myself and break free from the chains of GAD. I know I may not be able to escape you completely as I know you will always be around, but you will no longer steal me from the peace and freedom I have now found. So I am writing to tell you… I am no longer your victim or under your control. You may destroy my mind and body but you will never take my heart and soul. This is the end of the line for you, but for me a new chapter has begun. I am determined to keep fighting against you and being able to help others fight against you and ensure our battle is won. I won’t let you hold me back any longer or stop me from being who I am meant to be.
This is my freedom and journey of victory against you GAD!
© KatieGloria 2016
About the Author:
I am 21 years old and was diagnosed with GAD on the 9/12/15. When I was given this news I was in a state of shock but due to the amazing support I have from my fiancé, family and friends I am going to keep fighting this until GAD can no longer rule my life.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”