Beating…faster…faster
My heart is pounding a hundred miles an hour.
Cold… So cold…
My hands are freezing and feel like ice.
Trembling… I’m trembling…
I can’t stop this involuntary movement my body is making.
My eyes are darting back and forth,
From side to side.
I take one step after the other,
Left foot hitting pavement
Right foot hitting pavement.
I keep my head up to disguise the discomfort I’m feeling.
People will look at me and smile and I’ll return the smile,
All the while worrying that I may be seen as the fraud that I am.
Strong?
Confidant?
Her?
Can they see my heart beating through my shirt?
She isn’t strong.
Can they see my eyes shifting back and forth, my hands shaking violently?
She isn’t confident.
Can they see the anxiety that’s swimming through my veins,
Like the blood I need to stay alive? Swimming through me like the blood that is making my ever worried heart pound, harder and harder?
Can they see the worry?
Do they see my truth?
Do they see me?
They smile.
I smile.
They walk past me as I continue on with my disguise.
© Jen 2015
About the author:
I reside in New Jersey, but was raised in Queens, NY. I am a wife and a mother. I will soon be a college student again, working towards my B.A. in Social Work. I started blogging about a year ago, when I finally decided to get help for my anxiety, that I’ve suffered with for years. Blogging is a way for me to get all of my emotions out, while also trying to help anyone out there who may be feeling the same.
Blog: The Anxiety Chronicles
“She picked up the pieces of her life and created something beautiful. From that day forth she shone like the sun and changed the definition of broken.” – Unknown
Letters to the Mind 
Jen, this is an amazing poem! You use great imagery and you do a great job of describing your feelings. I hope you realize just how talented you are and just how much your writing helps others! 🙂
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Thanks so much B! I’m really happy with this poem, and happier that it can hopefully help other people realize they are not alone with their anxieties.
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Bravo Jen. Everything B said, true!
I will be reblogging your poem on my website (and media platforms) Memee’s Musings. I am eager to see this project grow into something important and meaningful beyond just a few of us.
☀ Memee
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I’m proud to have you on board and helping out with this Memee!
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My pleasure.
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You certainly do have a talent, I felt like I was walking with you. Thanks so much for sharing this with us in The Blogger’s Pit Stop
Kathleen
Pit Stop Crew
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Jen, the compliment is to you. I shared it at Blogger’s Pit Stop.
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Wow! I totally understand this! I feel the exact same way! I’m so glad you can write it out like this. I wish I could. Good luck to you, although it looks like you’re doing really good. Getting it out like this is a help, right? Well I’m glad I found you on the Bloggers Pit Stop.
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My goodness, that was intense! I have suffered from anxiety attacks in the past, so I can understand and relate. It was well-written. Will you know I mean it as a compliment if I say it was almost too well-written, almost too real? 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing it with The Blogger’s Pit Stop.
Marie, Blogger’s Pit Stop crew
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